Sonny's Blues_Entry 2_Week 23

Sonny's Blues- a short story by James Baldwin, depicting the lives of two brothers who are polar opposites in the way they think and go about their day-to-day activities.

The eldest brother, whose name is never stated, is an algebra teacher with a wife and three children- one of whom dies unexpectedly at the young age of two. He fought in the war and made something, at least according to him, of his life. His younger brother, Sonny, is a different story. He is like a lost puppy wandering aimlessly around, attempting to find something that will make sense to him- that will bring him peace. Sonny believes that peace can be found in music, specifically the genre of the blues, hence the title of the story. But in order to feel "alive", Sonny feels that he still needs something more, and he turns to drugs as an outlet. His life spirals out of control and takes a turn for the deep end, making his older brother realize just how much Sonny has been and is still going through- that the internal civil war within his heart is slowly poisoning him.

The two brothers fight- a lot. They argue over what Sonny is doing with his life, what is reasonable and unreasonable, and how heroin is affecting his life negatively and why he turned to it in the first place. The older brother just can't seem to understand why Sonny does what he does, and he can even cope with himself at times. But when Sonny convinces him to watch him play the blues with his band at a local nightclub, only then does the brother begin to understand the pain and loss Sonny and himself have felt throughout the years, and he became aware "that the world waited outside, as hungry as a tiger, and that trouble stretched above us, longer than the sky".

The Exit_Entry 1_Week 23

It is like a distant yet distinct exit sign, the bright red light piercing through your eyes into the inner recesses of your mind, letting you know there is a way out... but you don't exactly want to make the effort to leave. You always have the option of walking down the steps and opening that door to a whole new realm, but the thought of it is both slightly disorientating and terrifying.

You can't seem to find beauty in life anymore- in living. Everything is black and white and all of the incandescent colors have faded. The background of your existence makes you want to switch off the light so you don't have to look at it anymore and observe the scratch marks placed sporadically across the surface of the personal mural that is everything you are and have done.

I know what it's like to stand in the middle of the kitchen at 3 p.m. in the afternoon, and to just stare with a numbness inside of you at an open drawer of knives, trying to decide which one will end it all the quickest. I know what it's like to beat yourself up and to wrap your fingers around your neck, wondering how much longer the oxygen will refuse to stop passing through and out of your lungs to keep your glass heart from breaking. And I know what it's like to walk back and forth on the boundary line that separates idealism from realism, making you wonder what is worth believing in.

If anything, you are. You are worth believing in yourself, because you truly are more beautiful and more wonderful and more extraordinary and more worth it than you could ever fathom in your life time.

So, please, don't measure your chronology by determining the hour it should be cut.

You. Are. Worth. The. Fight.

The Last Night of Camp_Entry 2_Week 22

It was the last night of camp, and all of the kids just weren't feeling the whole “Jesus thing”. I know I certainly didn't.  I just felt like giving up for a lot of reasons, and I didn't feel like anything would work. Well that night, one of the youth leaders had us stand out in the field away from all of the lights, and he had us look up at the stars. He recited a passage out of the Bible about how God knows the name of each star, so how could He possibly not care about us? And then suddenly this kid next to me started crying- and he had acted like one of those cool and tough guys the entire time. I was literally shocked. They started praying over him, and then I started crying my eyes out and I didn't even know why. Then the youth leaders started praying for everyone, and I was just standing there hugging my best friend, Kelsi, and crying on her shoulder. I hadn't told anyone but Kelsi about my issues, but I felt the need for prayer and healing. She was able to get a youth leader’s attention, and then everyone circled around me and asked me what was going on. I finally told them what I had been going through for years, and they just prayed and prayed for me. It was like a burden had been lifted off of my shoulders. My youth pastor asked me how I felt after they had finished praying, and without even thinking I said that it was the first time I had ever felt loved in my life. And I didn't even realize that I had felt so broken. We all just kept praying, and then one of friends suddenly saw a group of angels standing nearby, and two others saw this gold flash of light fall off of a girl’s back as she was being prayed over. And then at one point I looked up, and I saw a shooting star- but it left an emerald streak across the sky. And God’s throne has an emerald color on it, and some people even saw the sky itself turn that color.

Basically it was a night of healing, and it was the first time I ever felt loved. It was literally the best night of my life. 

Do Not Panic_Entry 1_Week 22

40.
45.
50.

Oops. I was, once again, speeding over the limit. I know it is against the law to speed (obviously), but it can be so exciting, too. When you are driving on a long stretch of road, with hardly any cars around or sign of life, the last thing that you want to do is to drive like your 70 year- old and legally blind grandma in a traffic jam. It is very tempting to press down hard on the gas pedal and watch as the speedometer slowly rises as the wheels pull you forward faster and faster.

And then, from out of the corner of your eye, you suddenly see a black car with white doors and lights on-top of the roof pull out from a side street.

The first thing that goes through any teenager's mind, especially newly licensed drivers, is C.R.A.P.

You begin to go through the list of things of what you need to do when a police officer decides to turn on his lights to signal for you to pull over. 1) Keep both of your hands on the wheel. 2) Mentally locate insurance information. 3) Think of a great excuse as to why you were speeding in the first place. Basically, make up a sob- story. 4) Be really apologetic. 5) If numbers three and four happen to not work, tell the cop you should have known better because you're related to a cop. 6) If numbers three, four, AND five happen to fail, accept your ticket and do not cry until you have privacy.

Do. Not. Panic. I removed my foot from the gas and placed it on the brakes, attempting to slow down the car without it seeming too obvious. The cop car pulled up behind me, and slowly followed me down the deserted street. I gripped the steering wheel until my knuckles turned white, panic slowly starting to twist my stomach into a knot, and then it happened.

The cop car turned into the adjoining lane, and waved as he passed by.

I sighed with relief- I barely escaped a speeding ticket.

At least I barely escaped a speeding ticket today, I thought, as I once again pressed down hard on the accelerator.

40.
45.
50...

Photography As Art: Part 5_Entry 2_Week 21

The general public slowly began to view photography as more than a simple snap- shot of the surrounding environment and of the world that they lived in. Observant photographers utilized lighting and printing to make the ordinary appear to be a “monumental structure” (Olsen, 1). However, photography was not used specifically for displaying beauty and artistic skills. It was used for photojournalism, advertisements, news stories, political campaigns, stories of the past and of the present… photos played a key role in influencing the American way of life. Pictures were used to persuade people- they believed what they saw. Photography was a snap-shot of the truth for society.        

   

“‘New media’ (video and computer) disrupt the old-fashioned divisions into painting, sculpture, and prints and drawings” (Olsen, 1). Photography has been affected by modern technology as well. Computer programs such as Photoshop and Illustrator can be used by anyone to alter the graphics of an image. A few people of current generations believe that takes away the originality and artistic feel to a picture. “My 10-year-old cousin can add some contrast, sharpen, darken the corners, and shift the colors with ease. If you put yourself through hours of this drudgery, you’re no more of an artist than the lab operator at Wal-Mart” (Thripp, 1).

Personally, I consider photography to be another form of art. It requires skill to use proper lighting, angels, and colors as well as imagination, creativity, and patience. It affects different people in different ways, and relays a message similar to that of painted art. “Photography may be the new kid on the block, but the whole neighborhood is changing fast” (Olsen, 1). 

Works Cited

Beckman, Tad. “Photography as Art.” HMC. Harvey Mudd College, 24   Nov. 2004. Web. 26 Sep. 2012.

Olsen, Chuck. “American Photography- A Century of Images: Art.”    KNPB. Kodak, CPB, PBS, National Endowment for the Arts,    The Arthur Vining Davis Foundations, and the   George Gun    Foundation. Web. 26 Sep. 2012.

Orvell, Miles. American Photography. Oxford: Oxford University     Press, 2003. Print.

The New Webster’s Library of Practical Information. New York: Lexicon Publications, Inc., 1990. Print.

Thripp, Richard. “10 Reasons Why Photography Sucks and Isn’t an    Art Form.” Thripp Photography. Richard Thripp, 20 June   2008. Web. 26 Sep. 2012.

Petition to Ban Valentine's Day_Entry 1_Week 21

Dear Whoever Decided Valentine's Day Was A Great Idea,

I absolutely hate February 14th. Every year, 365 days later, it comes around like a big slap to the face with a baseball bat. No, I do not dislike it because I'm single. No, I do not dislike it because couples do the sweetest things for each other on that day and I have to buy myself cheap chocolate. I hate that day because it singles out the one emotion that keeps the human race going. It sets it aside for only one day of the year, and then narrows down that day to "boyfriend/girlfriend couples only".

Love isn't an emotion, feeling, whatever you want to call it- meant only for two people who have romantic feelings for each other. Love can be felt between best friends, mothers and daughters, fathers and sons, grandparents and grandchildren. Why do we feel like those kinds of relationships have to be excluded? And why can't it be celebrated every day of the year? It is more special to surprise someone with something sweet rather than to have it be expected of them on that one day, and it is more sweet to let someone know that you love them more than once. Even if it's just your best friend telling you that they appreciate you.

Yes. I get that dinner and heart- shaped chocolate and over- priced teddy bears are possibly cute, but seriously, don't be surprised if I'm content with just watching Disney movies with my friends and making cookies, because that can be just as good as a romantic dinner for two.

Because love is love, and it can come in all forms.

So spread it around to everyone. Don't let anyone feel un-loved any day of the year.

Sincerely,

That One Weird Girl With No Life